The Partial

Don’t know how to say this out loud,

Just want to be a part of that crowd.


When you couldn’t hear once, friend, you threw the speaker out,

Just imagine how much I am always stressed out.


I know it shouldn’t be a hurdle in my way to succeed,

How can the externals operate when the internals bleed.


I want to listen every time and not say sorry,

Not just once, each time I wanta feel the glory.


I see people that have far worse illness

And have succeeded in life,

I feel motivated by them sometimes

Sometimes I feel wounded by a steel knife.


To everyone else this is not big a deal

But I can’t eat peacefully even one meal,

Cause every moment from me that life does steal

I can do nothing but hide and conceal.


Sadness shouldn’t be too strong for a thing like this,

Even though it’s a small body part, but it, I DO miss.


When I go out with friends or to a bar with a girl

To a crowded area or at publisher lunches,

I put on a smile and they think I’m happy

But I feel like hit by a thousand punches.


I think of going away from everything

And start a life on my own,

I did that when I came to Australia

Believe me it nearly had my mind blown.


Maybe someday I’ll stop running

From the world and from myself,

That’d be the happiest day

As I’ll get rid of my cry-self.


I’ll muster all the strength and advance like a tiger,

I’ll do what I need to live in peace, and hold my spirits tighter.


She’s Not a ‘Girl’ Girl


Prostitution – Taking Our Blame

We are trained all our life to be hypocrites. This training is not conscious, mostly, but a sub-conscious one. We are asked or expected to believe in and support something, and yet when it’s our turn to apply that to our lives, we are expected to turn away from it. One thing I am specifically talking about here is prostitution, as you may have judged from the title.

It is rather sad that prostitution is still looked down upon as a profession. When you are in your 20s, you think that at least people of your and older ages will have the decency of treating prostitution as any other profession. But it is not the case. I have seen many educated, professional man women talking about prostitution as a service and supporting the very idea of prostitution. But when you ask them if they would be like to date a guy or a girl who used to visit or work in a brothel, they refer to them as a creeps and what not. This is the kind of hypocrisy I’m talking about. I understand that it is not possible to an average female to take up prostitution as a career, even in the times of need. There can be so many reasons for this, one of the most common being they don’t like the kind of intimacy the profession requires. Totally agree to this. Nobody is actually expecting them to take it up as a profession. But what we expect from an average educated person, both males and females, is not to exclude, the ones who have the guts to do this, from the society.

We can’t even imagine the magnitude of favour they are doing to us. I myself have visited a brothel a few times and there is this one particular girl I meet with. During our sessions, I had the pleasure to talk to her and this is when I came to know the dirty realities of the work, which I only had seen in movies previously. She told me about the kind of people who visit the place. I am going to define only 3 of those types and help understand what we owe to these strong women of the service they provide.

The first type is, the people who are living a repressed life. Due to societal pressure and lack of confidence and support, they have to hide their sexual identity, but cannot keep their sexual interests repressed. What they do is something I cannot explain here, which will be too controversial even with an anonymous identity. But the bottom line is they get the satisfaction they want. Should we be downplaying the service still? Let’s see. The second type is the people with rape instincts. They visit and ask the girls to role play as if the they are raping the girl. In the words of the girl who I meet, ‘I’d rather have him here instead of raping a girl outside in the real world’. The same real world who excludes her for knowing that she is a prostitute. The same real world who uses prostitute as an abuse. The third type is the prospective pedophiles who ask the girls to role play as a child. Again, the girl says that it’s better that the person is better off within these walls, where the girls has security and can say stop anytime she wants, rather than outside in the real world harassing some kid. This is just a small portion of life of one working girl in a developed country. Imagine the life of one in third world countries, as we call them where they don’t have any security, physical, emotional or sexual.

Can you believe how many rapes must have been avoided because of this one girl only, and how many in total? How many kids are walking freely this land without living nightmares in their minds with images of things that might have happened to them if it wasn’t for them? And yet we treat them as the dirty part of the society, we feel shame in openly talking to them, we hesitate in accepting them with open arms. If this isn’t hypocrisy, then what is? Is this the kind of education we are getting from universities where we pay thousands of dollars? Is this the kind of civil society we wish to remain? I don’t think so, or at least I don’t wish so.

So the next time you call someone a hoe or a prostitute in a degrading manner, just remember that they are just as human as us, if not better. They are just as fragile as us, if not stronger. They are just as vulnerable as us, if not more resilient. We are the ones who owe them a favour, not the other way around. They are the ones fulfilling our needs, absorbing the raw, rotten and evil side of ours in their small world within our ‘real’ world, not complaining about anything, just making a living. Next time you come across one, address them with nothing but love in your eyes, for we owe them for taking blame for our hypocrisy and cowardliness.

She’s Not a ‘Girl’ Girl

She’s Not a ‘Girl’ Girl

It makes me sad to see how we treat and stereotype women. We even stereotype women who are trying to remove these stereotypes. You know what makes makes me more sad – women stereotyping women.

As it turns out, it is not enough to be born as a women with women body parts. Nope. They have to behave like a woman, in a way which everyone else expects them to. This expectation is different in different countries though, or even different places within a country. The part of India where I come from, a women shouldn’t smile much, as they say. If she is smiling at something and accidentally looked at a guy at the same time, she is giving him the signal. Well, news for us guys, it’s the wrong interpretation of the signal. Maybe some alien came down on earth and sent you a signal that you are a freaking pervert, or a creep, or an asshole, or whatever the hell you turn out to be in life, but it was definitely not the signal you interpreted. This smile was just a basic example of how a women is supposed to behave in society. They shouldn’t smile too much, they shouldn’t be out too late, they shouldn’t be too friendly with people and the list goes on.

It’s quite different in Australia. The situation is somewhat better here, but not the best. They can smile, they can be friendly, they can be confident, but if they do all these things to a proportion where they are not intimidated by men, or even worse, the men are intimidated by them, then they are labelled. I want to share a small example here to better understand the situation. There is a girl in my office who I’m going to call Lauren for privacy reasons. Now as far as I know her, you put the cheerfulness, passion for fun, popularity, confidence, awesomeness of 20 people together and you have yourselves a Lauren. Everyone loves her and she is a star. She is just one hell of a person. She’s been in the company for 5-6 years so that makes her one of the oldest (not in age) and most connected employees as well. Nothing wrong in any of the above things according to me. But sometimes when when we are at pubs or lunches, I’ve heard some people say that Lauren’s not a ‘girl’ girl. This annoys me to so many levels that I can’t even explain. I know some people might think this is not a big deal, but I believe it represents the way we still stereotype and label women. Even in an advanced country like Australia, where we have education, freedom and everything we need for a so called civil society, people think like this. It is important to note that this comment came from a literate person who has a Bachelor degree. But that’s where literacy and education part ways, don’t they?

Just because a woman is too confident to be intimidated by men, or accept a men’s Alpha male status, or be cheerful that everyone loves her or has the power to not let other people say shit directly to her face, makes her not a ‘girl’ girl. It is depressing to see that’s how a woman can even feel about other women. We put all these labels on everything and it takes to our doom, nowhere else.

We have all seen men who can’t let a girl win in a game, men who will use all their power to open a bottle of jar to prove their manhood, who will feel like dying if a woman is able to do something they can’t do. I don’t know much about science, but people say all the time that men are naturally physically stronger than women. And where does this leaves women? Oh yeah, they have mental strength. Is that really true? I totally believe women are mentally really strong, but so they are physically. I have seen women at my gym who can make a guy faint with one punch, who can also take a punch like a goddam martial artist.

The problem is how what we were taught when we were growing up. The problem is that when we are kids, women get dolls and men get G.I. Joes or monster trucks. And if girls play with monster trucks, well that’s not ladylike now is it? The problem is we send most girls for self-defence and only some of them can make their way to kick boxing. The fucking problem is, we have manipulated their minds since it started grasping things that they are not as strong as their male counterparts. Yes, I believe that’s the root of the issue. Have you ever seen a person getting treatment for an addiction and actually getting treated even though he didn’t believe that he could be treated? No, and you never will. We have made women addicts of weakness, being ‘girly’ and self defence. Ask yourselves pioneers of self defence, how has it worked out for you till now? I know we have exceptions, but not enough. We need less self-defence more attackers. We need more Laurens. We need more people, both men and women, to say that those Laurens are ‘girl’ girls. Anyone who was born a women, is a women no matter how strong she is, how short her hair, how many guys or girls she’s fucked. No she’s not a tom-boy, not a manly women, not a slut. She is a woman who is beautiful either she has a 16 bicep or a 36 cup, or both.

This was just a minute piece of what women face and what we need to change our mentality about. Those looking for a wider perspective, go ask yourselves these questions. Although this journey towards equality is a long one and certain sections of both genders are a hindrance to it, we have small portion who is in the right direction. I’m glad we are on a path to turn this small portion into a bigger one.



So Tanya just said that ‘I hate to say this but everything does revolve around money’. I feel bad about this. As there’s no one else I can talk to about this, I decided to write.

The topic started when one of my good friend Rohan called me yesterday and gave me some advice on how I should buy a house now, work 2 jobs, earn shit loads of money, marry a girl who is capable of earning money as soon as she arrives in Melbourne, have a kid soon after marriage so that by the time I retire the kid would be ‘settled’ in life. Basically, it is crucial for me to ‘settle’ in life before 30 so that my kid can settle before I retire. I mean, fuck my future kid if there will ever be one, but the man’s got even his retirement planned. I mean FUCK. And the one person I thought should understand and agree to this was Tanya and she kind of agreed to Rohan. Irrelevant to the topic, but in her words, she don’t have to be money-minded as her dad can support her and I should be because my dad does not have the same amount of money. Now I’m the kind of person who needs someone on his side, need approval that what I’m thinking is right. Maybe I grew up with this kind of non-confidence and maybe that’s why I can’t do a lot of other stuff that I want to, but I’m not going to get into that now.

The point is I don’t want this life where every move I make is a step towards a planned life, and that plan is something which is so deeply indulged in materialism one can’t even imagine. This house, 2 jobs, settlement, where the fuck is time for oneself. I’m a 26-year-old who used to believe in planning. Seriously, ask my high school friend how planned my shitty life was. I was into music when I was a kid. Normal middle-class stuff: natural talent, performs in school functions, always screaming/singing at home whenever dad wasn’t home, parents not letting me learn classical music or any instrument as study is the most important thing a person can do. So my plan was to get out of school,move out of the city for college, then learn music and become a singer/music director. Yeah, that was the plan. The first bump in the road – how can a small town family let their topper kid go out of the city for college? The kid might get into drugs, girls or as my mother used to say the girls will manipulate me into doing bad things ( I always laughed inside at this and thought that if anything like this happens, it would be the other way around). “You don’t know about these girls beta, when they see a handsome guy like you who has money as well, they lure him into doing dirty stuff”. Handsome she said, you should see me sometime. Money she said, visit my place sometime. But yeah, that was that, and I didn’t get out of the city for graduation and stayed in the city.

Final bump in the plan, due to an incident that happened right after first year of college, I’m partially deaf now and have Tinnitus. This means my ears collectively work on 40% of the capacity and there is a continuous buzzing sound in my ears all the time. This consequently means if you speak low enough, I won’t hear you and if you shout, that buzzing sound will ring louder in my ear and I’ll have a headache and I won’t be able to understand whatever you just said. Yeah, forget about becoming a singer/music director now, I can’t even listen to music for a long time. That’s how the plan turned out and I have no intention of making another plan now. It’s not that I gave up. Nope, I have another passion, as our society calls it, now and you’re reading it. No matter how bad this one is, one day I’ll improve. Also, I don’t have the passion towards money from whenever I can remember. I want to live life with meaning, earn enough to feed myself, read enough to think with logic, and help some people in the world if I can. This last part actually is more about guts than money, which at this moment I don’t have enough of.

Let’s see how life will turn out, but the journey will be the one chosen by me, not some pre-defined path which we as a society chose many years ago.